Razzy Rants: The joy of (single)parenting

All parents know the feeling of being a single parent. Being in a (mostly) loving relationship, or really being a single parent, sometimes we just feel like those kids are out to get us. But why is that?

Firstly let's get the obvious out of the way.. the kids (before an age of about 7) aren't actually out to get you, it just SEEMS that way, which sometimes can be enough to push on that last nerve.. even when they are screaming the house together, throwing their stuff all around, doing 20 things at a single time, and all you're left with is what seems to be the remnant of an exploded daycare, they really love you and didn't realize the mess.. 

Guess I'll clean it up... (after the kids.. again..)

words mostly spoken to your SO, while picking up those last wooden blocks, little books, re-arranging some random toys and in general just cleaning your living room. The problem there being not that your SO doesn't do it, but the amount of times you HAVE TO DO IT, just drives you into thinking you were the last to do it.. but those kids really know how to fill up a room with toys in 10 seconds, and that's even without just emptying the box. My kids have already started to team up. With my son setting up a whole dance arena, while my daughter gets all her toys into a circle so they can dance together.. result? After the dancing has ended, I'm left with a circle of random toys, blocking the entire living room/kitchen.. 

© My Life and kids

What do you want to do?

is one of the biggest problems we face. Certainly in the weekend. With an older baby girl, and a boy who has team activities to go to, it's mostly juggling between, getting dinner, preparing dinner, making sure the baby gets enough sleep, going to and fro all the activities (swimming, scouts, gym, ..) and next to that, trying to find things YOU want to do.. (like writing a blog). In average this doesn't cause too much problems. Beginning parents often have to find their way into a regimen fit for both the parents and the baby (especially good for the baby), but the problems start when you want to hang out with your friends who do/do not have children, and don't understand the importance of that regimen, or worse, have a different regimen! If you suck at planning your life, this will only make it worse! Trust me, whatever I do for myself.. I do when the children are asleep (IF they sleep). Luckily, this is shared with your SO, do spend the necessary attention in doing things together in the 'dead' moments, cause I've seen people grow apart just doing 'their' thing when they finally get time off from their kids, the problem is.. when you do it all the time..

Nightwatch

Nothing ruins your life like nighttime.. Your child can't sleep because of nightmares, being sick, or just because they aren't tired. and then? Well.. Common sense has to kick in again.. Nightmares, bad dreams, .. can all be averted by a steady sleep ritual (read a story, hug, ...) giving them some comfort that all is fine, OR some special items like a 'magical teddy' that scares the monsters away, works for a long time too.
If they just aren't tired, they're just lying to themselves..  but how to tell them! This really is purely a battle of strength and wits. Never back down, don't go checking on them too often and stay true to your resolve. Being a single parent, it's hard.. they start crying, yelling and after 20 minutes all you want to do is get them to stop crying. Never give up, it'll save you in the long run. As a couple, it's important to support eachother, and don't always send the same one to check on the kids. We take turns :)
If your child is sick, well.. good luck. Having been a single parent for over 3 years those were the moments I just couldn't handle. A little pneumonia sure, but those moments, days, when your son vomits in bed, spews over every teddy bear he has in the middle of the night, that's just the beginning.. It takes a five man crew to clean that up! (no, honestly it can be done by a trained professional, or at least a mom/dad that has been down this road before). Me myself, I was just fscked. Not having a washer and dryer, I wasn't able to clean his much needed teddy bear, so he just was unhappy about the teddy he 'sanctified'. Having cleaned him up completely in the bath tub, changing sheets, cleaning the room, airing the room, .. I tried to put him back to bed, only to have it happen all over again.. *sigh* Luckily for me, my mom came to the rescue. Still, if children get sick in the middle of the night.. get ready for some adventure.

Why, why, WHY would you HAVE children?

Why indeed? Because they are little versions of you. They fill your life with special moments, every one more precious than the other, and for every negative moment, you'll get two moments in return that you wouldn't want to change for anything. And if all else fails.. you can always let them do the dishes, mow the lawn, clean the table, take out the trash, .. once they are older :)

© Dave Engledow

Just remember, a child becomes like you act and treat, not like you command.