Razzy Rants: People and masks

“Never spend more than double of the time on someone than the time they spend on you.” For anyone. That’s a lesson I’ve learned some time ago, that is very hard to handle, or live by. But be it friend, colleague or even a client or prospect, It’s a saying to live by, because when you start spending more effort on those people.. They just drain you..

Friends, acquaintances and lovers

Everybody knows you have to spend a lot of time in your friends. Not only to talk to them, but go out, keeping up with their interests, inviting them to some stuff, taking them up on invites, .. this is mostly done out of pleasure, and is rewarded by equal effort from the other partner. The moment you start spending more time on contacting your bud, instead of doing something with him, is the moment you start to doubt your friendship. And with good reason. But there are so many reasons why you can be occupied, work, change of situation, health, .. And not seeing that, is just an example of you being a bad friend to them. Still, there’s only so much you can take before feeling you are the problem, and not those other reasons. Just like anything else, a friendship IS a relationship.. And especially with good friends, you should try not to wear masks. Depending on the level of friendship, those masks will fall and people will see the true you Being honest from the start helps you to find out not only what you’d expect from your friends, but also what you are willing to put into those bonds. Last year I decided to apply this knowledge to my friends circle, and honestly, I did lose more friends than I gained, but those friends lost.. were they really friends? Having spent all that time, trying to invite them over, going out, or just trying to get them involved in me, and vice versa without result just left me feeling alone. Not that I AM alone, you just feel left out, and that sucks. Now I’m left with friends that react when I send a message, those that contact me when they haven’t heard from me in a while. This leaves both parties satisfied. No one gets frustrated from too much/too little contact. But it does involve a change of acting.

True friends see through your facade

Colleagues and clients

You’ll never be yourself when handling your professional circle. Leaving out most of your accent is only start of it. Hiding your troubles at home (as best as you can) is expected of you, and you should always keep a professional relationship. Even when going out to have a drink, or having dinner together, or even teambuilding. Those boundaries are not crossed. This said, you do spend about double the time in the office than you do at home. So, having a healthy base with your co-workers remain important. Even on the work floor, the rules stay the same. Don’t spend double the time. Try to find out their hobbies, do they have children, … but if they just don’t care about you, then why should you keep trying to make this work. You’ll get along just as fine working next to each other, then you will knowing everything in their lives. Know you’ll never be loved by all, neither will you like everyone you’ll meet. Clients are the same, You’ll normally never go crying on the shoulders of your client, because your dog got ran over. It’s none of their business. Needed to keep them the most important part of your negotiations, you have to make them feel like they are all that matter.

Masks

As you could read, masks are just an essential part of everyday life. You wear one at work, trying to hide the sadness of your dog, you wear another one when talking to clients, pretending to be excited and handling them as a king/queen, and all those are needed to succeed in the world. Be it the false smile when meeting that obnoxious friend, or simply being polite to your mother in law.

But wearing those masks will leave to you storing a lot of negative feelings inside. Having someone to truly be yourself around becomes important. Having friends who understand your ways, helps you to unwind. But finding those is the biggest challenge. Helping you find them, I can only offer one advice.. Never spend more than double of the time on someone than the time they spend on you.